Friday, October 26, 2012

Everything Old is Still Old

My head is still reeling from the announcement that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to revise his role as Conan.  Al Harron has covered this more eloquently than I can, so I'll defer you to his remarks

Instead, I want to take a slightly different approach and say this:  Really, Hollywood?  Really?  This is the best you can do?  Trot out an actor who is too old for the role, to play a character who was never anywhere near that old in any of the stories Howard wrote.

What you have here, ladies and gentlemen, aliens and Old Ones, is a perfect case of why box office reciets in general are dropping.  Hollywood can't do anything but recycle itself.  A more appropriate metaphor would probably be breed with itself.  We all know what sort of thing results from that, which is a good description of what Hollywood tends to churn out rather than coming up with something original.

At least take a fresh script (preferably written by someone who will be faithful to more than the "spirit" of Howard's most famous creation) and keep Jason Mamoa.  He fits the description of Conan much better than the Governator does.

I suppose that's too much to hope for, as is this being a sick (and scary, very scary) Halloween joke.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go burn incense to the gods of Development Hell.  Much incense.


  1. It's all about the money. Nobody gives a tinkers damn about remaining true to the spirit of Howard except we fans.

    And it is a given that a return of Schwarzenegger will bring in the cash (even with a poor movie) than Momoa did.

    Description and performance be damned, they just won't do it.

    I'm resigning myself that maybe, maybe, maybe, I will at least get a decent Sword & Sorcery movie out of this - NOT a Robert E. Howard adaptation that I would greatly prefer - just a decent movie.

    That much I think is possible and is thus the best I can hope for in this world.

    1. I hate to say it, but I think you're right. It's a shame that the best Howard adaptation is still the old Thriller episode "Pigeons From Hell".

  2. Yeah. I'm right there with David. I can take the original _Conan the Barbarian_ film as its own self-contained movie and as that, it is enjoyable. Of course, it had nothing in common with REH's literary Conan, in the end. My tolerance was probably helped by the fact that I saw the movie before I read any of the literature.

    _Legend of Conan_ might be of a similar calibre and it could be downright fun - just not REH.

    I feel bad for Momoa missing a franchise opportunity, but maybe once Ahnuld has gotten this out of his system, and we wait a few years, we can get a fresh start. (not holding my breath, of course.)

    1. I'm not holding my breath, either. Mamoa was excellent casting. It's a shame he wasn't given a decent script to work with.